OK, so I haven't blogged in a while, and this web page has remained dormant. Hell, even the spammers have given up on this one. “Captain, no amount of herbal Via*ra is going to revive this web page, it's dead Jim” etc. Well, I truly believe that there is no sense in writing unless you have something to write about, and believe me, this is a story that will shock and intrigue you.
I was walking up the stairs today, when I noticed a dead wasp on the windowsill. It was perched next to the pot plant, on its back, with its legs up in the air. “Quite a well preserved specimen”, I thought, before then thinking “actually, dead wasps always seem to be well preserved”. I don't really know how they do it, but wasps just don't rot. You can discover dead wasps under the floorboards or wherever, and so long as they haven't been eaten by spiders or mice or something, they just remain in perfect preservation. I suspect that they must be reincarnated Egyptian kings or something. There are so many things about wasps which we just don't know, as you shall see as we continue with the story
So, its legs were pointing skyward, and I decided to pick it up by a leg, in order to deposit it to the loo. However, when it did so, its weight shifted so that its pointy tail swung up to touch the side of my thumb. Now, I've never really been clear on whether a dead wasp can still sting you. In all probability I suspect that it cannot (as the idea is clearly ridiculous), but I didn't want to take any chances. So I let the wasp drop back onto the window sill.
This time, waspy landed on its feet. Then took a couple of steps forwards, and then flew off! The damn thing had just been having a nap on its back! Thankfully it didn't get far before landing again. Clearly it was on its last legs, and just needed to be put out of its misery. So I severed it in two with a wine bottle. (There is a second story here that it kept moving for a couple of minutes after I had done this, but it all gets a bit Garth Merenghi, so I shan't tell you).
However, if you'd like to listen to a song about a wasp on its last legs, and my feelings towards it, please be my guest.
Posted by nikn