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Sid Says - watch this!!

Children's TV in Britain in the noughties is superb. Far better than the “golden age” of the 1970s. I mean, Bagpuss and The Clangers are obviously works of genius, but the average quality of kids TV 30 years ago was far lower than today. The BBC offer two channels of kids TV : CBeebies for pre-school kids, and CBBC for older kids. Being the proud parent of two pre-schoolers, I'm a big fan of CBeebies. Let me summarise my top 11 shows.

Tikkabilla
This is an updated version of Play School, featuring the clock (Tikkabilla, Tockabilla, Tikkabilla, Tock, What's the time on the Tikkabilla clock?), and the windows (round, square, and arched). It has two presenters, often Justin Fletcher and Sarah-Jane Honeywell. These two tend to appear in many CBeebies programmes. They both have very expressive faces, and are often wearing an enormous smile. Justin has very small teeth. Sarah-Jane is has blonde pigtails, and is a cross between a 30 year old woman and a 7 year old girl. They have a third presenter who is a small purple dragon-creature-thing called Tamba. It is not explained why Justin and Sarah-Jane live with Tamba. Justin, Sarah-Jane and Tamba frequently sing songs, and dance. Things are good, in the Tikkabilla house.
Sometimes, Justin and Sarah-Jane are replaced by other people, including an incredibly thin man called Paul Ewing. Tamba is the one constant. I think Tamba may actually own the house. So, where do Justin and Sarah-Jane go when they are not in the Tikkabilla house?

Higgledy House
Probably to Higgledy House (Words to theme tune: “Higgledy Higgledy House! Higgledy Higgledy House!”). This is where Justin and Sarah-Jane live when not presenting Tikkabilla, though without Tamba. Tamba's absence seems to lead Justin and Sarah-Jane to revert to savages, and they are always trying to kill each other, get one up on each other, or otherwise be generally unpleasant to each other. Tamba is a benign and calming influence. Everyone needs a Tamba.
One other thing to note is that Justin and Sarah-Jane never actually talk when in Higgledy House, preferring to communicate via facial expressions and the medium of mime only. One possible theory is that Tamba is asleep upstairs, and they are trying not to wake him/it. Another possibility is that the entire house is in a vacuum, and therefore they cannot make any sound. Perhaps we will never know the true secrets of Higgledy House.

Something Special
Another programme featuring Justin Fletcher, but this is a solo show without Sarah-Jane or Tamba. (Worthwhile noting that Justin also does lots of the links between shows - it is sometimes possible to watch children's Tv for an entire day without seeing a single Justin-less show). In this programme, the multi-talented Mr Fletcher signs the entire show (“Hello! Looooook!! Fingers!!!!! You Sign!!!”). Actually, there is another person featured in the show : Mr Tumble. Mr Tumble is Justin dressed up as a sort of clown thing. Mr Tumble does stuff whilst the voice of a young girl asks him questions (“What's that Mr Tumble? Are you making a sandwich Mr Tumble?” and so on).

Balamory
What's the story in Balamory? Wouldn't you like to know!!! The innuendo in the theme tune suggests that Balamory is a hotbed of sin, but sadly nothing of the sort ever seems to occur. Balamory is a small Scottish island, where the climate and the sea air seems to have sent everyone rather simple. Miss Hoolie (“Here is Miss Hoolie to tell us a story”) is the local childminder who runs Balamory Nursery (cue song : “Everybody everyone, come along and join the fun! Laughing! Glueing! Copying! Jumping! Painting! Make a funny face!”). Every day, someone from Balamory pays her a visit. It might be PC Plum, Archie (the strange inventor person who wears a kilt), Josie Jump (who only ever wears a yellow track suit), or Penny Pocket and Susie Sweet. Whoever visits will have some sort of problem, and Miss Hoolie will suggest who in Balamory might be able to help. They then have to decide which house in Balamory to go to (cue song: “Red House, Yellow House, Blue House, Green House, Pink House”). Around this time, we normally lose interest and have a nap.

Big Cook Little Cook
Big Cook Ben and Little Cook Small run the best cafe in town. Each day, a customer comes in, and Big Cook Ben and Little Cook Small make a themed picture out of food (this is what passes for cooking in pre-school land). So, when the fireman comes in, they might make a firemans helmet out of an apple and a grape. You get the idea. Oh, and Little Cook Small has a wooden spoon, which he rides about on, and goes to see the factory where seaside rock is made.
For some reason, Tosha is quite keen on this programme.

Teletubbies
You've seen this, right?

Fimbles
Can you feel your topknot twitching? Can you feel your fingers tingling? Can you feel your nose wrinkling? If so, it could be that you are feeling the Fimbling Feeling! (Either that, or you've just been snorting cocaine). Basically, three Teletubby type creatures (Fimbo, Florrie, and Baby Pom) who live in a magical world. Each day, one of them gets the Fimbling Feeling, and sings a little song, then runs off and finds an object. Much hilarity with said object then ensues. The Fimbles are friends with an annoying frog called Rocket, a big fat northern bird, and a purple and green stripey mole who rolls about all of the time. His name is Roly Mo, and he is the adult figure in the Fimbles' world. He mostly exists to read them books (and he has his own subterranean library). He also has…

The Roly Mo Show
…his very own spin off show, in which he reads several books. He lives with his niece, Little Mo and two rat things called Ugo and Meego. For some reason, even though Little Mo, Ugo and Meego are free to wander in and out of Roly Mo's hole, they never seem to meet the Fimbles. However, Rocket appears in both shows.

Becky and Barnaby Bear
Becky: I'm a girl
Barnaby: And I'm a bear
Together: And together we make the perfect pair!
Actually, no they don't

The Shiny Show
I'm starting to get bored of writing about kids TV now. Oh well. Let's carry on. Essentially a strange sort of quiz show thing, where a dog, a cat, and a monkey quiz each other and win forks and spoons. Altogether now…. give yourself a shiny!

Tweenies
Is by far the most irritating thing ever invented. Mind you, it does feature Justin Fletcher providing the voice of both Jake (the orange Tweenie with a yellow mohican) and Doodles the dog.

If you would like to know any more about these shows, then you'll find Wikipedia has entries for most of them. I think you'll find mine somewhat more authoritative though. Oh, and if you are Justin or Sarah-Jane (or Tamba) and you have found my page by googling for your name, I think you all deserve knighthoods. Please sign the guestbook!