Cunning...
Over the past week or so, I have learnt an awful lot about female genitals that I didn't previously know. You see, my relationship with (what I shall pleasantly refer to as the Twinkle; many apologies for any offence that this may cause) has been of one particular nature, which I shall not go into further here.
Lately however, I've seen the Twinkle in a whole new light. Firstly, I've seen my daughter born out of one. It is quite surprising to see that something so small and neat looking is capable of doing
that. Hidden depths indeed.
Secondly, I have been changing my daughter's nappies. Now, I'm used to changing boy nappies, but girls bits are far more complex. I mean, on the surface, they look all neat and non-dangly, but the Twinkle is a far more complex beast. It has many secrets, which no-one will ever know. Grown men and women go through years of medical training to become Gynaecologists (a profession so complex, that it even spelling it properly is tricksy), and still they don't know what on earth these strange organs are about. The two sets of labia are doubtless the inspiration for the jaws of the Alien. Great debate surrounds the purpose of the clitoris. Never mind the eyeball, how did this strange organ evolve, and why? Is this a proof of Intelligent Design? And if so, is God a woman (rather than, as has often been supposed previously, a
piece of pasta?).
I think that it the complexity of the Twinkle is a neat mirror of the complexity of the beings that posess them. Yes, on the surface, they appear to be straightforward creatures (usually liking Shopping, Shoes, and James Blunt), but in fact, they are utterly incomprehensible. Even to each other. (I once asked a bisexual friend of mine whether she finds it easier to relate when she is going out with a woman, what with being one herself. And her response? "Good God no. No idea what they are thinking. Men are much simpler").
So, I suggest that there is a strong connection between the mysterious and abstruse female psyche, and the cryptic shrouded complexity of the Twinkle. Does etymology provide any clues here? Geoffrey Chaucer can provide a clue, as he used the word
queynte* to mean both Twinkle and knowledge. And consider the similarity between the word "Cunning" and the word (ahem) "Twinkle".
For more details, see Matthew Hunt's** excellent
Cunt Etymology***.
*arguably the only word to rhyme with "pint". Aside from "cuckoopint", which seems to actually mean "cuckoo penis", so there. I guess we can conclude that there are no rhymes for pint without genital connotations.
** doubtless he has a brother called Mike...
Posted by nikn