A couple of months ago, we were driving down the Massachusetts coast, stopping off at Cape Cod and a number of other places, and one of our stopping points was the Olde Towne of Plymouth (NB - not the real Plymouth, but the made-up one whose founders couldn't be arsed to think up a decent original name, I mean it isn't difficult - how about Quazdangle or something, I bet no-one has done that before). What is there to do in Plymouth? Well, we checked out the tourist guide booth (the proprietor of which seemed to be very proud of Plymouth), and picked up a map, which told us that we could:-
(a) Visit Plymouth Rock
(b) Visit the Mayflower II, supposedly a replica of what the Mayflower may or may not have looked like.
© buy many pointless trinkets and souvenirs from the pointless trinket and souvenir emporia which spilled out from the seafront engulfing the land like an unstoppable and unsightly carcinogenic growth.
As the Mayflower II was obviously a big waste of time (seemingly made in the 1970s, probably Artex ceilings everywhere), we opted to visit Plymouth Rock. After all, you can't go wrong with a rock can you? Think of all of the other famous rocks: Ayers Rock, The Rock of Gibraltar, Brighton Rock, Glam Rock - all very impressive things to marvel over. Not so Plymouth Rock.
For those who haven't seen this piece-of-crap-of-a-tourist attraction, it is about the size of a large dog. It is held within a sort of prison on the beach (you have to look at this poor piece of stone through a set of railings in the pavement). About a third of it is actually beneath the sand, and another third is visible. The remaining third has been stolen by tourists over the years (hence its current state of incarceration to protect from further erosion-by-holidaymaker). However, these tourists were fools, as there is little evidence to suggest that this unfortunate oversized pebble was the actual rock at which the Mayflower landed in the first place. The rock itself was declared as being “Plymouth Rock” some 200 years after the landing (presumably by someone who had decided to open a string of trinket / souvenir shops, and decided that miniature replica Plymouth Rock paperweights would be a Nice Little Earner). There is also some doubt that the rock is in the location where the Mayflower landed, as it has been moved countless times over the past few hundred years.
So, it is tiny, it is imprisoned, it is not in the right place, one third of it is missing, and it isn't the right rock. Can anyone think of a crapper tourist attraction?
Posted by niknSome tourist attractions truly are inane.
Although, some of the sillier-sounding ones are really quite fun. There is a garden full of concrete statuary in Wisconsin which is actually quite interesting, and there is also the world's biggest ball of twine, in Darwin, Minnesota. (just ask Weird Al).
Devil's Tower is also quite impressive.
And I still have my souvenir trivet from Hampton Court Gardens.
I remember the Weird Al song, “the biggest ball of twine in minnesota”, but I didn't realise it was a real tourist attraction. It sounds mighty crap. Incidentally, Weird Al's “eBay” is a favourite of mine. I like the concept of people bidding on “a kleenex used by Dr Dre.
In Britain, we have a vast number of tourist attractions that were apparently visited by famous people (some mythical), e.g. “Oliver Cromwell once slept here” or “Dick Turpin once bought a cup of coffee here” and so on.
Twine does seem a mighty crap attraction, but you must remember that America is the land of the man-made tourist attraction, such as Mount Rushmore, the Hoover Dam, the Jackelope museum, The Mitchell corn palace (made of corn, naturally), and the like. We have no ancient historical buildings (we had some nifty Native American artifacts, but those were covered with graffiti and eventually covered with a Wal-Mart parking lot), so we make our own fun, I guess.
“Ebay” is also a favorite of mine, I'd bid on Shatner's old toupee myself.
I sing “The saga Begins” whenever we go out for karaoke, which is approximately three times, ever.
I think Oliver Cromwell is a mythical being, something like a unicorn. But much less lovable.
Posted by: Tazja at August 29, 2005 10:24 PM